We won't sleep together?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
