the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
