Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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