i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This baby is an asshole
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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