I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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