She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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