i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
COCAINE IS GR8
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
