he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
