we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
