I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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