Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
