Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
