So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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