Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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