Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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