I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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