I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
