you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
