4 words: hood of his car
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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