Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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