Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
