She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
