I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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