Its about making memories worth repressing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
