she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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