just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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