Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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