She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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