I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
