I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
