There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
