Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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