Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
