i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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