Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
