Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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