Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
