dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Enjoy the penises
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
