So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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