Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can text with my tongue
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
