It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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