I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
