how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
