Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
