There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
