When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
