Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
