I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
