btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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