if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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