Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
